So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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