No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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