Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
