the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
