when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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