We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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