Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
