the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
