So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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