so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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