doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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