to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
