We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
