We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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