did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
