we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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