erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
