Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
