So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Randomize
