I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
