Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We left the knife in your bed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
