My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
