I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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