Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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