I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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