No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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