I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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