Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
