Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm experimenting with sincerity
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
