Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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