you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
