Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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