i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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