Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
