If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
