Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
