I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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