I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there is glitter all over my balls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
