The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
