Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
