i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
