I got chris browned last night
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
