Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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