mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
