This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
