considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
