my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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