I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
