I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
