That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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