I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
